It's lonely at the top

Today's post is reprinted from the newsletter of friend and fellow coach, Julia Fabris McBride. You can learn more about Julia here.

In conversations with clients this week, it's struck me yet again how lonely it can be at the top of a nonprofit organization.

If you are the CEO or Executive Director of a nonprofit -- big or small -- you know, without a doubt, that the buck stops with you. If things go wrong you get the blame. If things go right you rush to disperse the credit and launch the celebration.

You've been as successful as you are because you care about the mission of your organization -- the people you serve, the art you make, or the earth you have dedicated your career to protecting. But, all too often, responsibility trumps mission as you spend your day budgeting, fundraising, managing conflict, or trouble-shooting the problem-of-the-hour.

It's a lonely job, with long hours, lots of stress, and very few people to confide in.

It feels like a loneliness epidemic, but there is a cure.

Executive directors are not the only workers who are lonely.

I talk with the small business owner who longs for direct feedback from a trusted colleague or mentor. Or the corporate exec exhausted by the culture of endless phone meetings and insurmountable to-do lists. Or the school administrator who hones his conflict resolution skills, but despairs of getting anyone else in his organization to acknowledge that they have any disagreements worth discussing.

And then there's the unique loneliness of the suddenly unemployed. The job that anchored you is gone. The calendar is blank. The future is uncertain. Your sense of yourself is in flux.

Whatever your phase of life or level of responsibility, there is a way out of loneliness: Embrace your need to feel safe, loved, respected and connected. But don't expect to get those needs met at work.

I repeat: Don't expect to get your need for safety, love, respect and connection met at work. It is not going to happen.

Let me confirm that we are not talking about basic human needs such as food, air and water. Nor are we talking about values. My values feed my sense of myself. My needs sometimes make me cringe. Nonetheless, my needs are real, part of being human, and left unattended they reveal themselves in very unproductive ways.

Like loneliness.

Invest in getting your needs met.

• Use your free time (and perhaps some money) to identify and address the unmet needs that drive you. It will pay dividends at work.
• Depending on your particular unmet needs, your best course of action may be to:

• Find a confidant or convene a peer coaching group, and commit to regular meetings.
• Make a request of your spouse that he or she listen in a different way.
• Work with a financial advisor to get a handle on your financial future.
• Hire a coach.

• Commit to a rigorous regime of self-care designed to boost your energy.
• Set aside time and space to nurture yourself spiritually and emotionally.

Getting your needs met will make you more resilient at work. You'll be more approachable, more flexible in the face of conflict, more present to the needs of others, and -- bottom line -- far less lonely on the job.

Comments

[@MichaelDeutch]

And in case you haven't had the opportunity....talk to Tara! She's a great coach & listener!

[Brian Darnell]

That was amazingly enlightening. I learned from that that my needs for safety, love, respect, and connection will not be satisfied through work; are there any values that can be fed through work? Or does this all need to be done in my own time.